


Is There Someone Who Can Watch You?

by princelogical



Series: Sanders Sides Misc. Work [19]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Heartache, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 04:50:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14205453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelogical/pseuds/princelogical
Summary: “Why did you leave me?”“I had to.”“You didn’t tell mewhy,” Logan choked out.or.Roman and Logan are exes who are still in love but Roman is a wanderer who just can’t… stay.





	Is There Someone Who Can Watch You?

When Roman’s phone rang at 3:12 in the morning with Virgil’s contact information splashed across the screen, he was positive that it couldn’t be anything good. For a brief and agonizingly selfish second, Roman considered declining the call and falling back to sleep. After he and Virgil’s big fight last June about… _things_ , they hadn’t quite been friends anymore. However, Roman knew the guilt would eat him alive and he couldn’t just ignore Virgil like that, even if they weren’t friends. For all he knew, Virgil could be in danger, contemplating suicide, or-

Roman answered the phone with a quick swipe. “Hello?”

“Roman.” Roman could tell by Virgil’s voice alone that his ex-friend was in tears. His voice was tight, desperate. Noises rang out in the background, muffled. Like Virgil was outside of a loud building. Someone was choking in the background. “Roman, are you there?”

“Yes. I’m here.”

“I’m so sorry,” Virgil sounded choked and awful and pity wrenched itself around Roman’s heart, “but Patton’s out of town and I have no one else-”

“I’m here,” Roman said, meaning it with all of him. “What’s going on, JD-lightful?”

“Josh convinced me to go to a party and Logan came along and now Logan’s drunk off his ass and he’s talking about stupid stuff and he’s acting weird and depressed and I have to leave because my sister texted me because mom’s in the hospital and everyone’s been an ass to Logan and some guy punched him and someone stole his tie and wrote “robot” on his throat and he’s so damn drunk and I-”

“Breathe, Virgil, breathe.” Roman was already out of bed and yanking on a pair of skinny jeans and throwing on a cotton white t-shirt. “I’m coming, okay? Text me the address. As soon as I’m there, I’ll take care of Logan. You can see your mom.”

“I know you two broke up and everything and-”

“That’s past,” Roman said. “I wouldn’t…” He swallowed. “Look, we’re not enemies, right? None of us.”

Virgil’s reply was delayed but it came, genuine. “No. We’re not. Even if I hate your guts sometimes.”

Roman smiled and snatched up his keys, walking out of his apartment. “Text me. I’ll come as fast as possible.”

“Don’t get in a wreck, please.”

“Aw, does Virgil actually have a heart under all that edgy hard exterior.”

Roman heard Virgil growl through the phone. “Just drive, Prince Drama.”

[]

Roman arrived around 3:46 am and Virgil sits on a bench with Logan leaning forward, staring at the ground. Virgil looked exhausted but normal, exactly as he was when Roman saw him last those few months ago. But he looked more… tired. Logan, however, looked a mess. His hair was dishevelled and tie missing. His usually upright posture was gone, in place, his spine curved as he curled forward. He was heaving. When he looked up, the five letter word was still scrawled on his neck, red streaks going across it from where someone had tried to claw it off. Likely Logan himself.

“Hey,” Roman said.

Logan looked up.

“Your hair looks nice,” Logan said. His words slurred together a little, like he’d awoken from a long nap.

“Thank you, Roman,” Virgil said quietly. “I know-” He frowned and turned away. “I know we hate each other right now. And I still kind of want to punch you in the face for breaking his heart-”

“Heart’s not broke,” Logan slurred from his spot on the bench. “’s fixable.”

Virgil laughed a plastic laugh that made Roman’s blood chill. “If something needs fixing, it’s definitely broke, Lo.” He looked back to Roman. “Thank you though. Take care of him. Or… Or I will punch you.”

Roman nodded. “I will. Go see your mom.”

“You’ve got my number if anything goes wrong.”

“Got it.” Virgil headed off, taking one last glance back. Roman reached down and hoisted Logan up. He looked worse for wear with his bloody cheek, lack of tie, and scratched up neck.

“To the Batmobile,” Roman joked.

“You have a Batmobile?” Logan asked.

Roman snickered. “Just a boring one, I’m afraid.”

“I like boring,” Logan said.

“’Course you do.”

Logan smiled hesitantly as Roman helped him into the passenger seat. “Do you remember when I- when I’d go to parties with you? And I’d always be your drive home?”

Roman forced a smile. “Sure do, Specs.”

The nickname felt odd after months of not using it.

“Miss it,” Logan mumbled.

Roman shut the door and walked to the driver’s side, choosing to not answer. The drive to Logan’s apartment was quiet. Logan would hum every once in a while, some song Roman couldn’t recognise. Roman kept his eyes on the road, trying to forget the boy in his car was the boy that, not even a year ago, he was kissing in the same car with only the center console in-between them.

Logan would say kissing was illogical buildup. Roman made Logan fall in love with kissing.

Roman wondered, briefly, if Logan liked to kiss anyone else since… since ~~Roman tore up Logan’s heart~~ they broke up.

When they reached the apartment, Logan was blabbing about some physics test he’d crushed and his voice was loud and over-exuberant. He stumbled and would have face planted if Roman hadn’t had his arm around Logan the entire time.

They walked into Logan’s room together and Logan collapsed on a coach and groaned when his head hit the arm too hard. He smiled at Roman. “Roman. I am tired.”

“Let’s get your shoes off before you sleep,” Roman said. He knelt down and began untying the dress shoes Logan wore. He pulled them off and tossed them aside.

“No, you’ll ruin my organization,” Logan whined. “Put them where they belong.”

Roman rolled his eyes but carried them over to the closet. He then went into the kitchen and grabbed a fistful of paper towels. He soaked them in water and returned where Logan was clawing at his neck with a pained expression on his face.

Roman wiped the blood from Logan’s cheek and tried to smile. “We’ll get your neck next, okay?”

“It will hurt. There’s no need to remove it.” Logan seemed to ignore the fact he was currently clawing there himself.

Roman grabbed the wet paper towel just a little tighter and swallowed. He was perfectly aware of just how tense his body was, how soft each puff of air coming from his mouth was. “I’ll be gentle,” he said.

“Okay.” Roman moved to touch Logan’s neck but Logan spoke again. “You always were pretty gentle with me. Except when you left.” Roman froze.

“I need to clean your ne-”

Logan looked up, eyes blurred with tears. “Why did you leave me?”

“I had to.”

“You didn’t tell me _why_ ,” Logan choked out. “I ran each moment over in my mind and yet, I still cannot figure it out. Why? You yelled. You seemed angry. But I-” Logan swallowed again and Roman crouched, wrapping one hand around the back of Logan’s neck. The other hand pressed the paper towel against Logan’s neck and began drawing it carefully over the soft skin of his neck. “I do not understand what I did wrong. Was… Was I too cold?”

Roman closed his eyes and tried to force the tears gathering back. “Robot” still stared back at him from Logan’s neck. The letters were faded but they were there. A label Logan had worn since Roman met him.

“I am similar to a robot,” Logan has said when they first met. “Everyone would agree.”

“I don’t,” Roman had said and he’d kissed Logan like some horny teenager who was trying to win over some damsel by kissing alone. As if kissing could save Logan from his torrent of issues. But Logan had liked it. Logan had liked Roman, his weird hero complex and all.

“You were perfect, Logan,” Roman whispered. A horrible and lustful part of him wanted to lean over and trail Logan’s neck with kisses. But Logan was drunk and sad and Roman was… Roman was… Stupid and not good enough and not-

“What did I do wrong?” Logan asked. “Tell me. I can take constructive criticism.”

“Damnit, Logan, sometimes things are just out of your control, okay?”

Logan swallowed but nodded compliantly. Roman returned to running the towel over Logan’s neck. The silence was suffocating until Roman finally said, “I left because I got scared.”

“What frightened you?”

Roman closed his eyes. Two fat tears fell. “Myself.”

Logan was silent. “I miss you. It is illogical to miss you in the way that I do but I miss you.” He leaned close to Roman. So close that Roman could feel his hot breath against his cheek. Logan pulled Roman in, pressing their lips together. Roman’s heart wrenched itself from Roman’s chest and tore itself apart on the carpeted floors. Logan kissed hard, firm, and a bit mechanic. Roman felt his body trembling.

Roman’s head was in the clouds, passion firing from his soul until Logan was fumbling with Roman’s belt and Roman remembered Logan was his ex, his very drunk and depressed ex who did not need or deserve to be taken advantage of.

Roman pulled away. The paper towel hit the floor and Logan stared, confusion evident on his face.

“No sex,” Roman said.

“I apologise.”

“You’re fine.”

Roman picked up the paper towel and returned to wiping Logan’s neck, which twitched as Logan swallowed. Roman hated everything about this. He hated loving Logan so much that it felt like his body was on fire. He hated missing Logan to the point it was a physical ache in his chest.

“I never told you,” Logan said, “however, I promise that I loved you. I still do.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Not drunk enough,” Logan mumbled. “I am… _feeling_ and this is horrible.”

 Roman could relate.

“I don’t want to miss you anymore,” Logan admitted.

“I know.”

“What were you afraid of?”

Roman smiled and found himself telling the truth. “Falling in love.”

“Me too,” Logan said, voice small.

Roman swallowed and leaned in, pressing a kiss to Logan’s forehead. He was stupid. He was an idiot. But-

“I fell anyway,” Logan said. He sounded like an out of tune radio. “But I didn’t leave. Even though I was terrified.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I forgave you. I did a long time ago. Virgil has not but I have. I just miss you.”

Roman swallowed. “I miss you too.”

Logan was leaning in again.

“You’re drunk.”

“Please.”

Roman hated this.

Roman hated love.

No- Roman loved love and maybe that was why he always got his heart broken. He loved the butterflies and the light feelings of love. But as soon as love started planting permanent roots, he got scared and he left.

Maybe it was time to stop.

But-

“Logan,” Logan looked attentive, ready to listen, “if you sleep and tomorrow… If you feel the same tomorrow… We’ll talk.”

“I will be sober.”

“That’s always a better time to talk.”

Logan nodded. “Okay. Tomorrow, we will talk.”

Roman nodded.

He tucked Logan into bed, he laid out a new tie, and he tossed out the paper towels. He cleaned up the mess in the kitchen. He grabbed a pen and notebook from Logan’s drawer. Heart filled with guilt and regret, he began writing.

By morning, Roman was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not projecting, of course not. Why on earth would you think that? ;p (I think the fact that this is being posted at 10 pm says a lot about my ability to post fics at a decent time.)


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